The Importance of Self-Care: How To Find Yourself Again and be a Better Mum
“Everybody wants to save the Earth; Nobody wants to help Mum do the dishes”
Motherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences.
Having your own little mini-me running about, telling you they love you and flashing you cheeky smiles can be so uplifting for the soul.
[insert heavenly music here] 🥰
BUT…
Constantly making sure their needs and happiness are taken care of, while managing the endless demands of daily life can leave you feeling drained, overwhelmed, and disconnected from yourself. 😩
Between caring for your family, managing a household, work and trying to keep up a (non-existent) social life, finding time for you often feels impossible, and each day turns into a struggle 🤪 (and that’s without any further complications like relationship troubles, financial hardship or children’s developmental or behavioural difficulties).
It can feel like you’re a robot, on autopilot and wondering when someone will take care of you for once.
By the time everything gets done, and the littlies are in bed, there isn’t much time, let alone enough energy left to connect with yourself. You just want to have some snuggles with your pillow 😴
But here’s the thing:
self-care isn’t a luxury - it’s a lifeline. ☂
Prioritising your own well-being is the key to feeling like yourself again. It’s not just about surviving each day but thriving in a way that helps you feel happy, fulfilled, and like yourself, not just going through the motions and being “mum”.
Why You Need Self-Care, Now More Than Ever
Yes, motherhood can be one of the most rewarding experiences, but let’s not sugar coat it either. It can be so. damn. hard. 😩
In fact, the rate of mothers suffering from anxiety or depression has risen from 16.5 per cent in 2013 to 22.6 per cent in 2022 (s) That’s nearly a quarter of us mothers struggling day to day with our mental health!
I have had my fair share of challenges with my two ratbags (6 and 10yrs) ranging from post-natal depression, workplace bullying to daily anxiety and cycles of burnout, and although I do have a loving husband who helps when he can, for most of the 10 years of parenthood, he has been a traveling worker (FIFO), so I’ve been doing it on my own, and it’s been tough, especially when Mister C (10) has ADHD and showing signs of ODD.
Sometimes my day’s feel like I should be on the next episode of Super Nanny 😅
So to all of you wonderful beautiful parenting ninjas, doing it all and carrying the weight of their family’s needs, I give you kudos - and BIGGER LOUDER kudos if you are also working and/or have multiple children! 💫
The parenthood train is a rough, rocky, loud, never-ending ride, that is for sure.
We really should be given an award when each child turns one, just for making it through that year, and an extra award, for every year after that too.
Just give us a vacation actually. We all need it! 🌴
For so long, I felt I was just going through the motions, just trying to come up for air in between melt downs, doctor’s appointments and sleep/feed routines.
I seemed to go through a bi-monthly cycle of burnout and exhaustion where my body just gave out after so much stress and demand and I was forced to be in bed for days until I felt like I could get back up and do it all again. 😓
The constant juggling of everyone else’s needs often means that your own are pushed to the back burner, and this can show up as -
🥴 Burnout and Exhaustion: Running on empty isn’t sustainable. Over time, you start to feel like you’re just trying to make it to the end of the day, with no energy left for what matters to you.
😓Mental Health Struggles: Anxiety, stress, and depression are common when we neglect our emotional needs.
😑Losing Touch with Who You Are: If you keep giving to others all of yourself (and more), you are telling yourself that your needs and wants don’t matter - you begin to slowly lose that mentality of prioritising yourself as well as your children, until there is nothing left but a person working on autopilot.
Does that sound familiar? 😩
Many mothers reach a point where they no longer recognise themselves. Your passions, goals, and sense of self may feel like distant memories and thinking of how to regain those parts of yourself can leave you feeling lost and confused.
You need to make yourself a priority again.
But here’s the good news -
you can reconnect with yourself.
Self-care is the bridge that brings you back to you. ✨
The Life-Changing Benefits of Self-Care
When you start finding the time for yourself, even for just a few minutes at a time, things can begin to change. 💫
✨ You Begin to Feel Happier and More Balanced
Taking even just a few minutes a day for activities that nourish your soul can help to relieve stress and bring back clarity. 😌
If you are in a constant state of overwhelm, I would first encourage you to take up mindfulness practices, like journaling, reading, or simply sitting in silence for a few moments. Daydreaming ⛅ can be one of the most freeing practices (as long as it does not bring you into a state of anxiety or worrying about to-do’s).
Think of activities that you used to do before you became a parent - what filled you with joy or calmness when you practiced them? This doesn’t necessarily mean activities that are outside the home, it can be as simple as listening to music, colouring in, baking or even going for a walk.
The sun really does wonders for the soul! Vit D can reduce the impact of negative emotions! (s) Nature can be the best medicine 🍀
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days. It’s about rediscovering what makes you feel alive - whether it’s diving into an old hobby or exploring new passions.
✨ You Rediscover Your Identity
If you feel like you aren’t yourself anymore, just ‘mum’. You’re not alone. Many parents, including myself, have felt this way and it can feel like such a defeating challenge to get yourself out of “the funk”. The frustration and pain can run really deep into your soul.
If you're finding it hard to cope mentally, please know that it's okay to ask for help. Seeking therapy doesn’t make you weak - every one of us faces struggles, whether big or small. Reaching out for support during tough times can be the first step towards lifting yourself out of the darkness and finding happiness again. You don't have to go through it alone. Contact your doctor immediately to seek services right for you.
One of the first steps I took to rediscover myself was to reflect on who I was and what I enjoyed before children entered my life. Looking over photos of myself brought up many memories and stages of my life, and the many things I filled my day with which brought me happiness and joy.
These activities can be starting points to rediscover yourself. Even looking over my style of clothing when I was younger 💃, gave me ways to dress different and this alone gave me a little boost for my day (even if I did end up with some spew or snot on it at the end of the day 😅).
✨ You Become a “Better” Mum
When I say better, I mean a more patient, more relaxed and enthusiastic mumma. I definitely don’t mean perfect!
Please give yourself grace. You are doing the best that you can right now, with all the demands of your kiddos and life, and it is seriously, so hard.
Mothering is different for every mum - each child comes into the world with very different needs and personalities, and this shapes how you are as a mum, alongside your own personal experiences as a child and what you have learnt as you’ve grown.
I grew up in a very standard household, the youngest of 4 with two very loving parents - I also spent 10 years working in childcare, caring for many children, studying behaviour techniques and routine strategies, but NOTHING “completely” prepared me for raising my boys and I struggle most days to parent them. Not only because of personal trauma, ADD and fatigue, but also because my oldest has ADD, showing signs of ODD, and both boys are completely opposite with their identities, their behaviours and their needs.
So, if you are struggling and finding that being ‘better’ is more than you can handle in this present moment, please give yourself grace for where you are at right now.
Honouring how you feel is making yourself a priority and also showing your children that it’s ok to feel your emotions without judgement.
It also helps them to understand that life can be hard, and you have to persist through those moments to get where you want to be, and that alone is a great thing to teach - it’s being a great role model and raising resilient children! 💪💫
You are crunching this parenting thing if your kids are happy (most of the time), fed, and sheltered - we are rocking it better than our caveman ancestors did!
Don’t even get me started on animals…. 🦁🐒🦈 nom nom!
(and also know that you are in the right place if you made it to my little corner of the internet - I have been there myself and I’m sharing my knowledge and experience to help mothers like you get back up on your feet and feel like yourself again 🌟 You got this Mumma!)
‘Stop thinking you’re doing it all wrong. Your path doesn’t look like anybody else’s because it can’t, it shouldn’t and it won’t.’
- Eleanor Brown.
When you take care of yourself, you show up more present and energised for your kids. The stress and overwhelm is less (most of the time 😅 kids, right?) and you are able to approach moments in the day with more clarity and calm. ✌
You can’t pour from an empty cup 🥛. Just as they teach you when you hop on a plane, in an emergency, you must put on your oxygen mask first so you are able to attend to others.
It goes the same way as a parent!
You cannot completely be your best self and parent, if you’re not taking care of yourself first. 🩺
✨ Your Physical Health Improves
Staying active, eating healthily, and getting enough rest aren’t just beneficial for your mind - they’re crucial for your overall well-being.
When you're stressed, your body releases cortisol and other stress hormones, which can affect different areas of your health, including digestion, weight, anxiety, depression, headaches, sleep, and memory (s)
You Deserve to Thrive, Not Just Survive
As a mother, you give so much of yourself to others, but it’s time to give back to yourself ☂.
Self-care is the foundation for a happy, balanced life, and it’s what allows you to be the best version of yourself - not just for your family, but for you.
Yes, you are important too mumma 🌹
You are worthy of feeling whole, fulfilled, and joyful again. So start today, even with the smallest step, and watch how self-care transforms your life.
You deserve this. ✨
If you resonated with this post, I would love it if you could sign up to my email list! I release blogs weekly and I am always creating new digital products (and soon to be a course🤞) based on self-care and life purpose strategies for mums. 🌟
Let’s create a village of mums who support and uplift each other to conquer each day and smash goals together! 💪🥰
Reflection
What is something that you can do RIGHT NOW that will fill your cup? 💫 Let me know below in the comments! I’d love to hear what your unique idea of a self-care habit may be! 🌺
Have you had a moment of quiet today, to sit in silence or daydream about beautiful things? 🌴🌞Have a try and see how you feel after xx
