Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish: It’s Necessary

I read a quote the other day..

“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.” - Jessica Lange

Of course, as mothers, we do everything in our power to meet our children’s needs. We’re their caregivers, their protectors - it’s a part of our role as their parent.

But does that mean we should completely lose ourselves, putting our needs aside and making our children the center of our universe? 😕

When it comes to their safety, absolutely. But when it comes to our personal care and mental health? I don’t think so.😥

Hi! If we haven’t met, I’m Emily (or Em!😉), a Self-Care Coach, and I believe with my whole heart that self-care should be the top priority for mothers. ✨

It’s essential to fill our own cups first so we can show up as the best versions of ourselves - for our families and for ourselves.💫

I think many of us can relate to growing up with the belief that putting ourselves first is selfish and vain. It's a message that's deeply rooted in our society that, for so long, has been driven by male perspectives and passed down by generations of women who didn’t have the opportunities or choices we (luckily) have today.

Prioritising your own needs over those of your husband or children was considered unacceptable. Women who did were often judged by their communities, and sometimes were reprimanded (badly) by their own partners!

Of course, there’s a balance between caring for others and taking care of yourself. But what I’m talking about is when we completely set aside our own needs to ensure everything else - our children, partners, and homes - are in balance, all while we quietly fall apart inside.

It’s a slow, silent implosion that has left so many of us losing our own identities as a person, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

What if we could shake that conditioning…? 🙌

I truly believe that our mental health as mothers would be in a much better place. 🤗 That’s exactly why I’m so passionate about what I do - because you deserve to feel supported, empowered, and *completely, unapologetically know yourself*.

I’m here to offer as much help and as many resources as I can, so you never have to feel like you’re doing it all alone. 💪🌟

Self-care is not selfish.
Making ourselves a priority is not selfish.

In fact, completely giving up our own needs for our children is more harmful than we realise.

By losing ourselves entirely, we’re not building the habits that support our mental health and well-being, and that’s a dangerous path.

Imagine if, as mothers, we entered motherhood knowing that we needed to care for ourselves just as much as we care for our children. If we embraced self-care as part of the journey, maybe so many of us wouldn’t feel as lost or isolated. We wouldn’t be struggling so deeply with mental health challenges or losing touch with who we are outside of being “mum.”

Don’t you agree?

Now, I know it’s easier said than done. A lot depends on the support network we have around us, and let’s be honest, our “villages” don’t look like they used to. We’re more isolated, and even our online communities can be judgemental at times. (Put the phone down, Karen! 🙃)

But what are we teaching our children if we show them that we are unimportant? That we don’t matter?

‼ You are just as deserving of love, care, and attention as those you care for ‼

But what does self-care even look like?

Self-care for mothers isn’t about bubble baths or spa days (though those are nice!🥰🛁). It’s about reclaiming a little piece of yourself every day💫whether it’s taking five minutes to breathe deeply, sipping your (sometimes cold😅) coffee in peace, or setting boundaries that protect your energy.

It’s learning to say “no” without guilt 💪, asking for help when you need it, and finding moments that nourish your soul.

It’s respecting yourself enough to stand up and say ‘I’ve had enough’, or ‘I can’t do this’, or ‘I need a break’.

Self-care is about recognising that you deserve rest, joy, and moments of reflection, just as much as anybody else, and that by caring for yourself, you’re not only showing up as your best self for your family, but you’re honouring and respecting the beautiful, strong, and deserving woman you are! 🌟

I myself will wake up 2 hours before my kiddos do - yep, 5am every morning, just to make sure I can have my morning coffee in peace ☕, meditate and journal📖, so I am feeling balanced, refreshed and unzombified for when the boys get up at 7am! (just to have it completely reversed it at times by 7.15am sometimes haha🤪)

It’s how I (try to) show up as my best self every morning (because school mornings with an ADHD/ODD kiddo are a struggle in this house!), and make sure that I’m making time for me too, not just my family and the mountain of to-do’s I have to get done that day.

Self-care isn’t a selfish act at all!

It’s essential for you to maintain a balanced and happy life, making yourself just as much of an importance in your life as your children, your home, your work, your pets - the whole lot.

How do you get there?

Baby steps! In my last post, I mentioned a little activity that helps you recenter - going over photos from your life pre-motherhood and reminiscing over the little things and activities that brought you joy and filled up your day. 🌞

Of course, some of these activities may not be as easy to do as they once were, with a kiddo in tow, however even just reading a book for half an hour, throwing on a face mask, going for a walk each morning - all of these daily habits can really boost your mentality and help you feel like you are setting time aside for YOU. 🌈

Setting time aside for you, may also feel like it’s going against the grain of what you are used to. It may make you feel well out of sorts (and make you hear things that really aren’t happening - “is that my baby crying?🤷‍♀️I should go check”), but by starting off with 5 minutes a day, one micro-habit at a time, you can begin to create a very own self-care practice that works for you and gives you a little bit of peace each day.

We don’t need to be spending lots of money on spa treatments and girls nights (although how awesome are they!💃), just to come back to the chaos!

Having a little piece of tranquility to create in your own home, works wonder when life gets a little too hard! 🙃

Trust me, I’m lucky enough (having an older house) to have my very own sunroom hideout where I read a book, watch Peter the wild rabbit 🐰 in the backyard or sometimes take a cheeky snooze on my rocking chair (don’t tell on me!😉). You can create your own special corner in your house too! 🌹

Having some time for yourself is not something you should feel guilty about, and that pile of washing, or the dirty dishes - those can wait!

Put out a little (non-messy😂) activity for your little ones and take some time out mumma - you deserve it! 🥰

Negative Self-Talk and Limiting Beliefs

Also, be mindful of how you speak to yourself lovely lady! Sometimes our minds can be our worst enemies, and working on ourselves trying out new positive habits can bring up some inner demons. 🥴

Pay attention to the thoughts that show up when you take time out for yourself.

Remind yourself of just how important you are, and how deserving you are of some peace and quiet, and joy too! 🙌

Positive affirmations and mirror work help with this; however it can be very difficult to start!

To help you out, I’ve created a small list of positive affirmations focusing on self-worth and confidence below.

You can print these out and attach them to your mirror at home or save it as a wallpaper on your phone so you can say them to yourself during your self-care moments - see what works best for you! 🌟

I hope they serve you well 🥰

I also hope that after reading this blog, you are able to truly understand just how important you are - not only to your little ones and your family but to the world around you. 💫

You are the heart of your family, and when you prioritise yourself and your well-being, you’re also prioritising the well-being of your children.

Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity that allows you to show up fully, with more energy, patience, and love. 😍

You deserve it! 🌟

What will you do today to set a little self-care time out for yourself? 🌴

What did you think of the quote I mentioned? Do you have your own motherhood quote or a piece of advice that doesn’t sit quite right? Share it down below! I love to hear from you! 💫

Reflection

• Is there a time of day when everything is calm and quiet, where you can do something that recharges you? Make a plan for it - schedule it in your planner and follow through! You deserve it. 🌟

• What is one small act of self-care you can commit to each day?

• If thinking about what you deserve brings up any negative self-talk, take a moment to ask yourself, where does that come from? Can you trace it back to a certain experience or something someone said that made you feel this way? Now, imagine doing something for yourself that completely flips that script - an act of self-care that feels empowering, nurturing, and reminds you that YES, YOU ARE DESERVING! 💪🌈

  You absolutely have the right to take up space, to care for yourself, and to prioritise your own well-being. Believe in that, and let self-care guide you back to that truth! 💫