10 Reasons You’re Not a Bad Mum (Even If You Feel Like One Right Now)
“Motherhood has a very humanising effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.
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It’s been one of those days. The kids are running circles around you. 🥴
The dishes still need doing.
You feel like all you’ve done today is argued over and over and you would have had more luck talking to a brick wall.
The stress is pent up in your body - you somehow managed to get them to bed, and now you’re crying in the shower wondering why you can’t “get it right”.
Cheryl down the road seems to have it all set straight, but you can’t manage to get through the day without yelling or keeping your house in order.
Maybe it’s you.
Maybe you just can’t handle things. 😓
Maybe you’re just a bad mum…..
…. and the tears flow faster down to the drain than the shower water does.
Oh lovely, I have been there (and still have many days where it’s all too much and I doubt what I’m doing, or whether I’m cut up for this motherhood deal!).
Every mother has moments of doubt, dread, surrender and beratement (even if they don’t fess up to it!)
In a world where we only show the “perfect” side of life, it can be so easy to throw yourself under the bus, and feel like it’s you that’s all the trouble, but trust me, that’s not the case.
There are many things that could be playing a hand at the situation, and we are going to run through them right now, so you can pick yourself up and realise, YOU ARE DOING YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST MUMMA! 💪
You need to give yourself a break 💖
Reason #1: Motherhood Is Tough
No matter what lifestyle you have, how old you are, where you live, how much money you have - motherhood is hard.🤪
Every kiddo comes into the world as their own unique self, and this comes with many different forms of challenges. I honestly believe that mothers who find the younger years are really easy, will most likely have tough times later on when their child is a teenager, and vice versa. (Sorry mummas!)
This is only thinking of the different challenges for the child too - this is not including life’s own unique challenges with the demands of work, home, finances, friendships and relationships - it can be a major whirlwind to carry on our backs all at once. 😅
This is especially true now with the unrealistic expectations in society, and the “perfect” image of motherhood. You know the one - with the fit mother wearing white, happily walking with child, in her designer pram with a big smile on her face, and her baby and toddler behaving by her side while she lives her best life. 🙄
The way you dress your child, how they behave, what they do and where they will attend school - this can all be (and does get) scrutinised, when it is really nobody’s business but the parents. 🤷♀️
Louder for the ones in the back…
It is nobody’s business but the parents how they raise their child.
Considering that we feel we can’t even pull our children up in public over their behaviour because we may be berated by a complete stranger for being ‘mean’, or the complete opposite - not caring enough about our child’s behaviour and letting them run loose or cry their tiny hearts out.
There is way too much judgement within motherhood, and we all need to give ourselves a little break from it all.
Even parenting books tell you what you should be doing, and don’t support you on just how great you are doing. 😢
So, here’s a little reminder to you, that our kiddos didn’t come with a manual.
You know your child the best and IT IS TOUGH.
(No matter what the Karen’s say).
Some days it really does feel like you need to get your camo suit on and run through the jungle like Forest Gump with your kid under your arm.
Their harsh words can sure feel like a bullet in the butt too!
Give yourself some grace, and please, don’t put yourself down, you’re doing great because….
Reason #2: You Show Up Every Day
Despite feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, you get up and you continue to look after your babies. 🥱
You are showing them they have someone they can rely on, and you are their safe space. This also means you are their person they can release all their emotions to, no matter the type or extremity, where they may not be able to elsewhere, with anybody else.
You get the full, raw, unfiltered moments of their true self and as beautiful as that is, it can be A LOT to handle when you are extremely exhausted.😴
My eldest, Carter, will “hold himself in” so much during school, trying to contain his ADD symptoms, anxiety and just trying “fit in”, that when he gets home, he releases it all - by the end of each term, most school afternoons will be full of meltdowns or attitude because he was done for the day hours ago and doesn’t have the capacity for anything else the day has in store for him.😥
He needs to release his frustrations, and most of the time, he will - towards me. 😅 But I understand why, and I support him with compassion and helping him to meet his needs, whatever that may be.
Just as I’m sure, you do with your beautiful children. 🌟
If you are showing up every single day, trying to be the best mother for your kids, and you are meeting their basic needs, you are already conquering the day and offering your children the best childhood they could ask for.
I know it’s so hard. There are so many times when you just want to give up.
But when all else fails, or feels like it’s failing, just bring it back to basics.
Give them the easy foods or the bottle (fed is best!), lay in bed with them and have pyjama days, leave the dishes for tomorrow.
If it all comes with love, that’s enough.
Consistency and effort are signs of love and dedication, not failure.
Reason #3: You Love So Deeply
If you are worried you are a bad mum, it’s reflective to how much you care about your babies - feeling bad about something that happened just means that you want the best for your kids, and if you care that much, you’re already a great mum. Simple.
Love is the foundation of belonging, and by giving so much love, you are supporting your children and their future with a foundation of security, confidence and reassurance that everything will be ok.
Reason #4: You Are Trying Your Best
Even when times are tough, you are caring about your child’s needs and putting your best efforts into doing the “right thing”.
Remember, there is no such thing as perfect, and there is no such thing as failure. Just goals, challenges and lessons learnt. Without making mistakes, we don’t know how to change, and where to go from now.
I’m sure from your hard days, although it’s broken you down, you’ve researched about your child’s development or strategies you could implement to change things up and provide solutions to the problems.
Look at what you are doing now! Just reading this blog is a way to change things for yourself and for your children. In that alone, you are trying your best.
Be proud of that fact! 🌟
Reason #5: Your Children Feel Loved
As I said before, you love so deeply, and your children do feel that. It’s why they play around you or release all their troubles all at once when they get home.
You are their safe space, and they feel this from you each and every moment of every day.
You are the solid rock they can rely on, and they honestly don’t see the hard times of the day as you do.
What may be a really tough day for you, and overwhelming your thoughts by the time your head hits the pillow, may have only been a short time in the span of their day, where at other times during that same day, you made them a brilliant lunch, you gave them a beautiful hug when they woke up, and listened to the things they had to say.
This is especially important to remember if you have multiple children. While you were navigating the stress, and demands of more than one child, each child only spent a small part of their day in what you perceive as a stressful environment. They likely wouldn’t have felt the intensity of the stress as much as you did because their experience of it was much shorter than yours, or they weren’t as heightened as you were!
As mothers, we feel so much more stress than is actually happening in that moment, because we want to do best by our kids and feel the pressure of society as well.
We wear the weight of the world on our shoulders at times.
Your kids feel the love from you because you are there for them during every moment and you celebrate each moment with them too. Just holding your hand can bring them such love and reassurance in their day.
That’s all they want and need - love, comfort and security. If your kids feel this from you (and I’m sure they do!), you’re doing an amazing job.
Reason #6: You Learn from Mistakes
Every parent makes mistakes, but the ability to reflect and grow is what makes you a wonderful mum. As your children grow, you grow with them and change your life to suit their needs.
You’ll change your routines and habits to fit around theirs, you’ll change the way you speak and adjust what you wear to fit the age they are. And just as you do those things naturally as they grow, you also adjust from the mistakes you’ve learnt along the way.
You don’t do the same things over and over because you know they aren’t the right fit for you and your child - you’ve learnt from your mistakes, and changed and adjusted to create a better outcome that works for your family.
Remember too that mistakes are a part of life, and nobody has their shit together!
Release the judgement you hold on them, and remember, we all make them. You are only human after all!
Reason #7: You Provide Stability
Just as you provide support and care for your kids, you also provide stability through your rules and routines.
Of course, with kids and routines, can come bounce backs where they really just don’t appreciate being told what to do. (Don’t we all!😅).
However, you are ensuring their safety, their care and that they have all their basic needs met.💖
And as hard as routines and rules are to implement, they teach our children what to expect and follow when they are older, as adults in the big wide world!
They will remember all you have taught them through the years and this will keep them safe. They will also teach what they have learnt to their own children later on, and that’s a wonderful thing to shape! 💖
Reason #8: You Teach Resilience
There may be times where you haven’t been able to hide how you feel - and you’ve let it go in front of your children.
You’ve burst into tears and sat on the floor, while they’ve just watched on with wide eyes.
I’ve been there too, and even though it sure feels embarrassing at the time, you’re actually teaching your children great life lessons in those moments.
Resilience is the process of adapting to difficult challenges and life experiences through mental, emotional, and behavioural flexibility.
By being honest about your feelings (in an age-appropriate way for your child) and showing them your true emotions, you allow them not only to learn from the moment but also understand that nobody can keep everything all together at once - that it is ok to fall down. And, as you get back up and once again, show up for them, they understand perseverence and hard work to overcome challenges. 💪
Building resilience in your children gives them a much brighter future, where they deal with life’s challenges more efficiently and responsibly - you are their role model, and sometimes, being a positive role model is showing them the real stuff!
Reason #9: You Seek Help When Needed
You may not feel that asking for help is a good thing, but just as you teach resilience to your children through the hard times, by asking for help from others, you teach them that it’s ok and normal not to go through things alone, and that we all need support through life.
By asking for help, you prioritise your family’s wellbeing - you can’t help others without helping yourself first. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary!
As mums, we have to do a lot of things all at once, and no matter where we are or what time it is, those things don’t stop. Even when we are sleeping, we are still supervising our children and that is a lot to handle mentally and physically.😟
It’s ok to ask for help - it definitely requires a village to raise children, so if you are feeling overwhelmed, or feeling like a bad mum right now, call someone so you can have a break.
Give yourself that time to recharge, to recenter, and realise just how important, worthy and amazing you are as a mother, and a person! 💪
Reason #10: Your Children’s Smiles Reflect Your Efforts
I’ve left this one ‘til last for a reason.
Your child - their happiness, their energy, their comfort, the kind way they talk to others, the way they succeed in school (even if they struggle), is a complete reflection of your efforts.
Because you show up every day, show them a deep love, teach them resilience, and try your best, they are flourishing in their own little world and able to achieve their full potential.
That is an amazing accomplishment on your behalf, and you should feel so proud. The love and pride you feel for all the things your child does, you should feel about yourself because you are the reason they have achieved so much.
I’m not just talking about schoolwork either (for the mums with babies right now!), I’m also talking about the basic needs! Whether it’s that your child ate a full meal, finally fell asleep after fighting it for so long, or that loving hug you receive after your kiddo’s meltdown - that’s because you gave your child all the support and security they needed.
So mumma, I hope you feel a little bit better after reading this post.
Do yourself a little favour and save this to Pinterest, so you can read it again on the hard days, and share it to another mumma who may be finding it tough at the moment as well - because tough days will unfortunately happen again, but you are doing the best you can and that’s all you can do in the struggle of motherhood!
I hope you know how amazing you are, how much you matter in this world, and how much of a bright star you are to your children. 🌟
You’ve got this mumma! 💪
Reflection
What is one thing that happened today that brought joy to your child’s day?
What is one thing that you can do right now, to help yourself feel better and lift you up? A caramel latte sounds pretty good about now, right? 🫖
Remember, tomorrow is a new day mumma. If you’re needing a little help to stay positive right now, why not check out my positive affirmations for mums below! I’ve included some phone wallpapers too so you can take your favourite one around with you during your day…
